My Friends Are Crazier Than Yours!

Ready for some good ole' fashioned cattiness? Well my friends, your in for a treat!

Don't you love to make up nicknames with your friends about people you don't like? Since this blog has absolutely no anonymity, I am going to make up some anonymous names and see if you can guess who I'm talking about. Take for example:

Venetian Blinds - Girl, put the rolls away.

Mr. Pappy Pants - Dude, if your wearing TAPERED light wash jeans, your too old to be hanging off of me - at a bar - in public....go away. Your ruining my bad girl reputation I worked so hard to stereotype myself with. Go check out Venetian Blinds, that girl loves attention.

Pee-Pee Boy - If you would come out of the closet, you would be SO much happier. I would be happier too since you could be my new gay boyfriend!

Virginia - Stop smoking so god damn much! Every time I see you, you have a cigarette dangling out of your mouth. Pushing your kid on a swing - calls for a cigarette! Weeding the garden - calls for a cigarette! I think you just may die of lung cancer in the next 5 minutes.

Speedy Delivery! - Why oh why would you wear that hat to the bar? You really wanted us to make fun of you, didn't you? It was your evil plot all along.

"Steven Segall" - 1985 called, they want their haircut back.

Mr. and Mrs. Scary Face - I literally jumped in my seat when I came across your picture. You might want to get something done about that. I have the name, address, and phone number of a fabulous plastic surgeon, holla at me!

The Goblin - Why are you at a dance club wearing a jacket that brushes the floor beneath you? Oh that's right, your about 4'8" and you waddle around like E.T. I feel bad making fun of you, but being that you have no visible physical or mental handicaps, your free game.

Asshat - Maybe if you wouldn't roll your eyes constantly and act like a normal human being I wouldn't dislike you so much. Nah, I probably would.

Stupid Annoying Guy With Roses That I Would Like to Punch In The Face - NO! I do not want to buy one of your half dead roses for $5! And come to think of it, neither does Boyfriend. He would rather spend that money on drinks for me so he could take advantage of me later.


OK enough cattiness for now! Did I forget anyone? Let me know! Have ridiculous nicknames of your own? Feel free to add.

Feel free after this post to think that I'm a heartless biatch, but you know you have secret nicknames of your own.

We're Too Old to Show You Our Boobs....

I began to think I was a fair weathered Catholic when I stopped going to church every Sunday.

I started thinking I was a bad Catholic when I fell in love with someone outside my religion.

And I found out I was going to hell last year when I didn't even go to church on Easter Sunday, because even the bad Catholics go to church on Easter Sunday and Christmas.

However, I never missed an Ash Wednesday......until today. I have decided not to grace our Almighty Father with my exhausted, half hungover ass. I think its better for both of us this way.

When the Weather Outside is Frightful....

"I have good news and bad news"

"OK, give me the bad news first"

"We're out of toilet paper"

"WHAT?!? OK, so whats the good news?"

"I love you!"

The previous conversation was what Boyfriend told me in the midst of an ice storm that was falling over Western Pennsylvania last week. Driving was not an option, and since I am NEVER one to drip dry, we set out on our quest.

The gas station by Boyfriend's apartment is only up the road, but I'm sure it took us about 20 minutes to get there on foot. Ice was everywhere. Cars looked like M&M's. By this I mean that the car itself was the chocolate middle and the ice was the candy shell. The roads and the sidewalks we're all sheets of ice. Walking on the snow was a no-go, especially since this too was coated in ice, not to mention about 5 inches deep.

As I walked out of the apartment, I felt like Larry the Burglar from Home Alone when he tried to walk up the steps the the McCalister house. Even though I secured a death grip onto the railing, my legs were going everywhere. Then came the challenge of the sidewalk. It seemed that every step we took forward, we fell more steps backwards, and I couldn't help but sing the famous Paula Abdul song in my head the whole way.

Boyfriend had on what he called his "Ice Breakin' Boots", whose only purpose was to go stomping around in the snow while kicking it everywhere. Come to think of it, they really didn't even serve a purpose, except the purpose to annoy me.

Finally, we came to our destination and got our TP. I couldn't help but pick up a shit load of candy for myself, which included Junior Mints and Butterfingers that are two total RED LIGHT FOODS for me. If you were wondering, Red Light Foods for me consist of the foods that I could shove my face full of for days in and days out and not get sick of. Would I puke? Ya, probably. Would it stop me? Not so much. Puke and rally baby.

As for that 3 pounds I lost last week, I'm pretty sure that I put it back on plus some. Me thinks that in extreme cases such as this one, I should not be so much above the "drip dry" option.

Here I Am!

OK, so I know you have missed me terribly for the past week....or so, but guess what? I finally dug myself out from under the 4-8 inches of snow and the 1 inch of ice JUST FOR YOU. I have been stranded in the wintry abyss (ummm, or my boyfriends apartment without internet) for the past week, and without further ado, I bring to you the return of my blog. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Lettin' It All Hang Out....

Before you proceed, I must warn you that this is not one of my usual blogs. I'm not trying to be funny or witty here, I'm using this as a place to vent and express my feelings.

Because, in actuality this IS an online journal. This is a little hard at times being that my blog is anything but anonymous, but when I think about it, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not using names here, I'm not even saying that the situations I am about to type about are about certain people, its just the way I'm feeling and right now, and I need to get it out.

I was looking at one of my friend's Myspace pages today who is about 5 years younger then me. It was when I was looking at her page that I felt a little twinge of jealousy. Throughout her page were pictures of her and her girlfriends. And not only were there pictures, but many, many comments from each of them all over her page. You could tell how much these girls loved each other and really looked forward to spending time with each other. This is what got me to thinking....

When did "girlfriends" stop being such a priority in our lives? I understand that people change, get married, have babies, but when did we just STOP making time for each other? And when did all the backstabbing, talking smack, and crude remarks begin? Wasn't that reserved for high school? Jesus people.

I can't even tell you the last time I had a TRUE girls night out with all of my friends. This is either because a.) Someone always INSISTS on bringing their significant other (who always end up fighting all night, I should know) or b.) If they didn't bring their significant other, they're either on the phone or texting them the whole night. Someone once told me when I was younger to truly value your girlfriends, because there will come a time in your life when you'll really need them. For example, when that loser boyfriend dumps you and all of a sudden you realize you have no one else to turn to, maybe then you can think about how you choose him over everyone that once meant something to you. But then again, once you find another loser, I'm sure the cycle will start all over again.

We all know what I have gone through in the past 2 years with friends. Your thinking that I should be one to talk because I have been dumping friends like crazy as of lately. Well to be honest with you, they weren't really friends. They talked behind my back, insulted my character, and constantly brought me down. If you call that a friend, I would love to know your definition of an enemy.

Sometimes I think it might be me. I know I have a tendency to overreact , but I doubt this. Like not even knowing when my last girls night out was, I don't even know when some of my last heart-to-hearts with some of them were. I regularly pour my heart out to a friend who I have known for a short time and lives hundreds of miles away because she is one of the few that actually listens to me. You know, listens? Remember that? LISTENING is when you give your undivided attention to someone. During this time your not thinking of your boyfriend, or your kid, or what better things you could be doing at the moment. To me, a true friend = a good listener.

Again, this is not to openly criticize ANY of you. To be honest, its not even ABOUT anyone in particular. These are just my thoughts and feelings at this particular moment in time. If you can't deal with them, stop reading my blog.

During college I knew that good friends were hard to find, but as I make this difficult journey deeper into life, I find that GREAT friends are few and far between, more difficult to meet, and even harder to keep.

Repeat Offenders

Honestly I don't know what it is with me. Everywhere I go that requires a "service act" Charlie Brown's Rain Cloud seems to follow me everywhere. I have come to the conclusion that it is absolutely impossible for me to get good service anywhere I go, and I feel that now I must accept that.

Recently I started to take a stand at this bad service rain cloud that has been hovering over my head. I have complained to management, written e-mails, and tried to ruin MANY reputations along the way. The result? Coupons that bring me back to this fine establishments only to have the same bad service inflicted upon me once again. I'm really starting to think I have the worst luck in the entire world.

So why would getting my car fixed prove to be any different? Here is the latest story.

People that park in the streets of Rankin are complete cretins. I'm pretty sure they sit inside their row houses just waiting for me to walk away from my car so they can do something bad to it. One time I had a scratch all the way down the driver's side of my car, obviously from some piece of trash who recently discovered that keys could do some serious damages to other people's personal property. I wouldn't be surprised if that poor excuse for a human being tried to use it as a weapon next. The latest incident was a huge dent left in the front of my car from someone who smashed into it and was nice enough not to leave a note. My own personal belief is that they had no idea how to read or write, let alone have any type of car insurance.

So Tuesday night I go to drop my car off at the auto body shop I have grown oh-so accustomed to. I park my car where the owner told me to and dropped my keys in the key drop box on the side of the garage. I then jump in Boyfriend's car and am merrily on my way to go have dinner with Mom.

I felt as though I did everything right. Parked my car in said spot? Check! Label envelope correctly? Check! Drop keys in appropriate drop box? Check, check, mother f'in check! So imagine my delight when I got a call from said auto body place asking me where my car was. The conversation went a little like this:

Dumb Chick: Hello Meghan, this is Auto Body Place. We were calling you to see when you would be able to drop your car off. You were supposed to drop it off Tuesday night so we could have started the work on it yesterday. When would you be able to bring it in?

**Side Note: Why did they call me TODAY? Shouldn't they have noticed the missing car yesterday and called then? Ya, I don't know either.**

Me: Ummm, its there. I dropped it off on Tuesday night.

Dumb Chick: Oh it is? We never received the keys.

**At this point I start to panic because you know, I think someone stole my fucking car.**

Me: Well could you PLEASE go outside and look to see if its there so I know that no one STOLE it!!!!!

Dumb Chick (in a dazed kind of voice): Please hold. [hooolllllldddddddinnnnnnggggggg] Oh yes Meghan, its here. Sometimes the keys fall behind things in the drop box. Sorry about that.

And that was that. My main concern is that obviously this drop box is a problem. This has happened before. I can't even begin to imagine all the heart attacks this place has given out to its unsuspecting victims. I was seriously contemplating taking my car back, but I was sure the next place would screw me as well, if not harder.

The moral of the story kids? If you want any type of bad service, come out with me sometime! Never get waited on, get a wrong order, or better yet - not get your order at all, and if you want your car to disappear and then reappear out of thin air, I guess I'm good for that too.