My Friends Are Crazier Than Yours!
Ready for some good ole' fashioned cattiness? Well my friends, your in for a treat!
Don't you love to make up nicknames with your friends about people you don't like? Since this blog has absolutely no anonymity, I am going to make up some anonymous names and see if you can guess who I'm talking about. Take for example:
Venetian Blinds - Girl, put the rolls away.
Mr. Pappy Pants - Dude, if your wearing TAPERED light wash jeans, your too old to be hanging off of me - at a bar - in public....go away. Your ruining my bad girl reputation I worked so hard to stereotype myself with. Go check out Venetian Blinds, that girl loves attention.
Pee-Pee Boy - If you would come out of the closet, you would be SO much happier. I would be happier too since you could be my new gay boyfriend!
Virginia - Stop smoking so god damn much! Every time I see you, you have a cigarette dangling out of your mouth. Pushing your kid on a swing - calls for a cigarette! Weeding the garden - calls for a cigarette! I think you just may die of lung cancer in the next 5 minutes.
Speedy Delivery! - Why oh why would you wear that hat to the bar? You really wanted us to make fun of you, didn't you? It was your evil plot all along.
"Steven Segall" - 1985 called, they want their haircut back.
Mr. and Mrs. Scary Face - I literally jumped in my seat when I came across your picture. You might want to get something done about that. I have the name, address, and phone number of a fabulous plastic surgeon, holla at me!
The Goblin - Why are you at a dance club wearing a jacket that brushes the floor beneath you? Oh that's right, your about 4'8" and you waddle around like E.T. I feel bad making fun of you, but being that you have no visible physical or mental handicaps, your free game.
Asshat - Maybe if you wouldn't roll your eyes constantly and act like a normal human being I wouldn't dislike you so much. Nah, I probably would.
Stupid Annoying Guy With Roses That I Would Like to Punch In The Face - NO! I do not want to buy one of your half dead roses for $5! And come to think of it, neither does Boyfriend. He would rather spend that money on drinks for me so he could take advantage of me later.
OK enough cattiness for now! Did I forget anyone? Let me know! Have ridiculous nicknames of your own? Feel free to add.
Feel free after this post to think that I'm a heartless biatch, but you know you have secret nicknames of your own.
posted by Meghan (The Declaration of MY Independence) @ 12:01 PM
4 Comments:
there's this one guy, who is a friend of a friend/coworkers w/MJ (oh yes, i am lucky enough to know him through 2 people). i call him The Octopus, because every time i see him, he's drunk and feels that it's acceptable to put his hands all over me, despite the fact that i remove them each time. aaargh.
i have more nicknames for people at my gym than out at the bars.
example: Butterface. She looks really good from behind, but her face....she's one of those old ladies who looks her age, but still has the body of a 25 year old. creepy.
then there's Captain America. he wears puffy pants (like parachute pants) with stars and stripes on them.
Sex Noise Guy-- makes sex noises when he lifts weights. makes me giggle uncontrollably. yet, it's annoyingly distracting.
Skinny Bitch-- homegirl is about 6 ft tall and weighs in at around 110. i don't know if she's anorexic or not. she might just be very athletic. she works out with her mom every night, usually at the same time i do. she's totally snooty. never smiles or talks to anyone. one of my friends went to high school w/her and he said she's always been a snoot.
ok, that's all i've got for now. :)
MEOW!!!
OMG! The Octopus! I'm SO going to have to use that one! Hope you don't mind!
Butterface-I'd rather be a fat ass when I'm 40 something than have a butterface...no thanks!
Captain America...classic! Does he actually think its OK to go to the gym like that? We used to call one guy "swamp thing" in college because someone pushed him in a creek and he came out screaming and yelling with creek shit hanging from him! Ha!
Is Sex Noise Guy hot? Now THAT would be intresting!
Skinny Bitch is anorexic...her new name shoudl be "Annie". Those proportions are just not humanly possible, I don't care who you are! She's snooty cuz she's hungary!
Don't forget BOBBLE HEAD RED!!!!!
Hello when your head looks twice as big as your body cause your sooo anorexic you need to eat a MEAL!
Asshat - Maybe if you wouldn't roll your eyes constantly and act like a normal human being I wouldn't dislike you so much. Nah, I probably would.
Holy siht...no you didn't!!!
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