Lettin' It All Hang Out....

Before you proceed, I must warn you that this is not one of my usual blogs. I'm not trying to be funny or witty here, I'm using this as a place to vent and express my feelings.

Because, in actuality this IS an online journal. This is a little hard at times being that my blog is anything but anonymous, but when I think about it, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not using names here, I'm not even saying that the situations I am about to type about are about certain people, its just the way I'm feeling and right now, and I need to get it out.

I was looking at one of my friend's Myspace pages today who is about 5 years younger then me. It was when I was looking at her page that I felt a little twinge of jealousy. Throughout her page were pictures of her and her girlfriends. And not only were there pictures, but many, many comments from each of them all over her page. You could tell how much these girls loved each other and really looked forward to spending time with each other. This is what got me to thinking....

When did "girlfriends" stop being such a priority in our lives? I understand that people change, get married, have babies, but when did we just STOP making time for each other? And when did all the backstabbing, talking smack, and crude remarks begin? Wasn't that reserved for high school? Jesus people.

I can't even tell you the last time I had a TRUE girls night out with all of my friends. This is either because a.) Someone always INSISTS on bringing their significant other (who always end up fighting all night, I should know) or b.) If they didn't bring their significant other, they're either on the phone or texting them the whole night. Someone once told me when I was younger to truly value your girlfriends, because there will come a time in your life when you'll really need them. For example, when that loser boyfriend dumps you and all of a sudden you realize you have no one else to turn to, maybe then you can think about how you choose him over everyone that once meant something to you. But then again, once you find another loser, I'm sure the cycle will start all over again.

We all know what I have gone through in the past 2 years with friends. Your thinking that I should be one to talk because I have been dumping friends like crazy as of lately. Well to be honest with you, they weren't really friends. They talked behind my back, insulted my character, and constantly brought me down. If you call that a friend, I would love to know your definition of an enemy.

Sometimes I think it might be me. I know I have a tendency to overreact , but I doubt this. Like not even knowing when my last girls night out was, I don't even know when some of my last heart-to-hearts with some of them were. I regularly pour my heart out to a friend who I have known for a short time and lives hundreds of miles away because she is one of the few that actually listens to me. You know, listens? Remember that? LISTENING is when you give your undivided attention to someone. During this time your not thinking of your boyfriend, or your kid, or what better things you could be doing at the moment. To me, a true friend = a good listener.

Again, this is not to openly criticize ANY of you. To be honest, its not even ABOUT anyone in particular. These are just my thoughts and feelings at this particular moment in time. If you can't deal with them, stop reading my blog.

During college I knew that good friends were hard to find, but as I make this difficult journey deeper into life, I find that GREAT friends are few and far between, more difficult to meet, and even harder to keep.