There's About To Be a.....Dog Fight!

Need I reiterate my fear of dogs again? Yesterday was no good.

My poor CaydenPants got his face chewed on yesterday by our neighbors dog. My neighbors have a wooden fence, and when I took Cayden out to pee yesterday, he decided to try to make friends with the dog next door (a German Shepherd Lab mix) by sticking his head through the fence. Bad idea.

The neighbor's dog grabbed Cayden by the head and shook him through the fence for about 5 seconds before I was even able to do something about. Miraculously, as soon as I screamed at the other dog he let go, and Cayden proceeded to run around my backyard shrieking in pain, which seriously broke my heart. The only commical part of this was me trying to catch him. Imagine to yourself a plus sized girl in high heels trying to catch her pint sized dog who is running and screaming around the yard. As soon as I caught him one of my neighbors came barreling out of the house.

He felt so bad about Cayden, that I actually started feeling bad for him. He put some doggy neosporin on my creature and offered to pay any vet bills if I had to take him. I thanked him and told him that I wasn't upset, and that it wasn't like HE bit my dog, because then we would be having some problems. His dog clearly didn't appreciate Cayden trying to come onto his territory.

Luckily, besides him being totally wigged the fuck out, Cayden is OK. He has a scratch by his nose and under his chin, but besides that he's fine. I think I'm going to ask them if they would mind putting some chicken wire up along side the fence to solve the problem.

I'm just glad all of this happened BEFORE my therapy session!

Lunch Update

Ummm can you tell I'm bossless? Four posts in one day? My oh my, aren't you just the lucky reader? OK, well anyways....

Today at lunch I saw a geeky version of Sidney Crosby, which to me equalled hot and hotter. As soon as a saw him I made the sexiest pose I could (without totally giving it away of course) and proceeded to sip my Diet Mountain Dew in an ever so provocative way. At this point, Geeky Crosby was staring at me, but it wasn't because of my super sexy pose or my sucking skills.

It was because I had just spilled my drink down the front of my shirt.

My Poor Neighbors

I don't even want to know what my neighbors thought when they saw me roll up to my house in a strange man's car, wearing the same clothes as the night before, and carrying a computer.

A geeky whore, perhaps?

Deep Breaths....

I have officially become a Crazy. Not the kind of Crazy that you see with messed up hair, screaming obscenities at passer-bys, the secret kind of Crazy-which I'm convinced is the worst kind.

You see, Boyfriend and I have been talking alot about settling down with each other. His lease is up in November, and since neither one of us wants to move in with the other before that ever so important engagement ring is placed on my finger, we have decided to get engaged before November. And here is where I hit Crazy.

Most girls are afraid of the commitment, but not this Crazy. I am afraid of the ring. I am afraid that he will go out and buy the most hideous ring he can find, and ask me to marry him with it. If I see such a hideous ring, I may have to decline his invitation. Yes, it is THAT important to me. Are you guys seeing Crazy yet?

So the other day, I took it upon myself to be escorted by my boss to a super swanky private jeweler downtown. I worked with the owner of the store for about an hour before he had the perfect blueprint of my engagement ring ready (since they design everything there). I was delighted, and I could barely contain myself from jumping up and down and squealing when he showed me the finished product, because it was perfect.

Then he started to fit me for the ring, so it could be the perfect size as well.

All of a sudden, I was flushed with emotions. This was really happening. It was not a childhood fantasy anymore. I was going to get married and share the rest of my life with someone else. And I must admit, this feeling was pretty overwhelming.

Its not because I think I'm marrying the wrong person. Anyone who knows Boyfriend and I knows that this is definetly not the case. Its the fact that my whole world is about to change. I will no longer be known as the party girl that is a bad influence on all of her friends, I will be known as Alex's wife. My weekends will be filled with housework and yardwork, and will no longer include getting sloshed and not coming home until noon the next day. I will start to think about having a family. I will start having a family, and then that baby will become my life. Every decision I make from here on out is no longer about me.

And as the jeweler announced that I was a size 7 and 3/4 narrow, I put the Crazy aside and decided that this was what I have been waiting for my whole life.

Boyfriend is Going to Get It!

Right now, as I am typing this, I have a large grease stain on my left breasticle. Why, you ask? Because right after Boyfriend decided to make his lunch this morning, he decided that he had to violate me before washing his hands. Now, some of his lunch is on display for my whole office to see, and I'm sick of people telling me that there is something on my shirt.

I'm just glad they don't see that it resembles a hand.

Bus Stories

I can't believe I didn't think of writing this before! As most of you know, I am an avid people watcher, and when I'm on the bus, I'm an avid people listener. And now, it is time for me to post some conversations I have been hearing lately.

Girl #1: Can you believe that no one would give up their seat for that mom holding her baby?

Girl #2: Ya, thats just fucking RUDE!

Girl #1: I told that fat lady who was talking up 2 seats up front, that she should have gotten up because she was taking up two whole damn seats.

Girl #2: What did she say?

Girl #1: She asked me if I was talking to her, and I said hell ya I'm talking to you! A bus pass just covers a person, NOT their ass.
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Butt Grabber: I once grabbed some fat guys butt on here and he turned around and said "Wowza!" Who the FUCK says "wowza" anymore?
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Back of the Bus Girl: Goodbye ma'am, have a nice day.

Friend: Why are you saying that to everyone?

Back of the Bus Girl: I'm just saying it to be polite. One time I said it to some lady and she turned around and said, "shut the fuck up!". Then I told her to eat shit.

Congratulations Biatch!

I believe a congratulations is in order for my very good friend Lexie. You see, last month Lexie's boyfriend Chad proposed to her down in Mexico and they have set their wedding date for this coming April. Even though I have known her for a very short time, and we met each other in a non-traditional sort of way (through a website designed for "curious" females-kiddng, seriously KIDDING!), she has become nothing short of a supercalafragalisticexpealadocious friend to me.

Did I mention she's getting married in Cancun and I'M invited!? You have no idea how frickin awesome this girl is. Not only do I NOT have to BE in her wedding, but I get to go to Mexico for it! In fact, she has even put me on clean up crew so I feel like I have something to do, and so that I may feel special. I REALLY hope I get to clean up some puke. When I see her in October, I think I just might love her and squeeze her and call her George.

So Congratufuckulations Lexie and Chad! I hope you have very happy lives together and make beautiful babies! Also Lexie, I'm glad that are becoming a "Mc". Now we will BOTH have excuses when we get drunk and throw up all over ourselves.

Would you consider putting this on your Knot website? Hehe.