Surprises Aren't Always Good

*DISCLAIMER: THIS STORY MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR PEOPLE WITH WEAK STOMACHS (OR ARE JUST PLAIN SISSIES)*

My dog has once again set my biological clock back about 10 years and has made me realize that I will probably not be a good parent.

Wednesdays are my days to run errands and catch up around the house. Yesterday, I filled up my gas tank, went and picked up my prescription and was looking forward to coming home and putting up our Christmas Tree. This however, would not be the case.

As soon as I opened the door to the dog's room the smell hit me like a punch in the face. Upon further investigation I realized that he not only crapped, but diarrheaed all.over.himself. I mean it was EVERYWHERE, even on his face! I am absolutely FURIOUS. Even though I know deep down inside that he could not help it, I still think he did it to spite me. As soon as I let him out of his crate he was even nice enough to leave terd marks wherever he decided to step on the carpet. I then proceeded to scoop him up and hold him waaaay out in front of me like he was some sort of infectious disease, while he grunted like a pig to show his discontent until I put him down outside.

You would think that my little creature got everything out of his system considering that his whole crate was covered in shit, but when I took him outside, he left a HUGE cowpie right in the middle of the sidewalk. I couldn't pick this up for obvious reasons, but I'll tell you what I could do. I got the honor of wiping my dog's ass with a plastic bag since not all of that cowpie was left on the sidewalk.

As soon as I got in the house I went down in the basement and threw him in the stationary tub and hosed him off. He shivered and cried the whole time and I actually started to feel bad for him. Poor guy had a rough day. He pooped all over himself, got his bed and favorite toy thrown away, and worst of all had to get a bath (which he hasn't had in a long time since we just went through the whole neutering process).

When it was all over, both Cayden and I were squeaky clean (being that I always get "bath by default" whenever I give him one) and we spent the rest of the night putting up our decorations.

My prediction? I will be multiple personalities mom. At first I will hate my children for doing something that wasn't their fault, but then I will end up feeling sorry for them when they start to cry. I will give them kisses and feed them most likely. I will then go about my normal business pretending like nothing happened.

Wait, that's sorta like MY mom.....uh oh.