Why Heels Don't Work For Me

Seriously, I am looking HOT today. This morning I actually ironed all of my clothes, put make up on, and matched my shirt to my favorite Steve Madden pointy toe heels. I'm pretty sure that people at my office don't even know its me. It's probably like Halloween to them. I'm not really sure whey I did this. The single attorneys here aren't that cute (OK they're ugly) and I'm not into women, so I guess I'll go out on a limb here and say I did this for myself, because I am in fact, selfish.

I got to work, set my stuff down, changed out of my sneakers into my sexy shoes and went downstairs to buy me a bagel. I then proceeded to strut my stuff all around Oxford Centre being that I was indeed, the shit.

Since I refuse to pay the extra .50 for the pop that they sell where I buy my bagel, I had to take a trip downstairs to the little food stand they have in our lobby. This decision entailed me to take the escalator.

Usually escalators don't give me that much trouble. I think the escalator and I may have a mutual understanding with each other, unlike the stairs and the cracks in the sidewalk do. I can glide onto the first step that comes my way, search through my belongings on them without falling backwards, and sometimes I can even run down the steps (this usually occurs when I get off work).

Today was a problem.

Some sort of sticky substance had gotten on the bottom of my sexy shoes, and the noise it made was driving. me. crazy. I had to take action. While i was on the escalator I lifted my one shoe up to peel off the sticky substance that had latched itself on to me. At that same moment, my heel that was SUPPOSED to be firmly planted on the step slipped out from under me sending me flying backwards while my arms flailed everywhere in order to find the railings that would prevent my almost imminent face plant onto the floor. Surprisingly, I grabbed onto the railings and got my balance before I severely injured myself, but not before I made the LOUD noises that echoed throughout the lobby. I saw some guy snicker at me, and I had to muster up all the self control I had not to run up to him and sucker punch him in the chest, thus disabling his ability to breathe (and laugh).

I was wrong about the understanding I had with you escalator. I didn't think that you were like the other obstacles that I battle with on a daily basis. I thought we had a deal!!!! Rot in hell.