Bitch Slapped By VB!

So Virginia Belle, my most favoritist (I don't care if thats not a word, its my blog and I'll speak as I wish!) blogger in the whole entire blog world, has decided to interview me, and she wasn't even scared one bit! Ha! So if you want to learn a little bit more about me, read on. If not, too fucking bad-read it anyways!

Ready? Here goes:

1. Name 3 things we actually DON'T have in common. (Middle initials and cooking don't count, because i already know those two.)

Oh Lordy, this is going to be a tough one. My buddy VB and I pretty much lead parallel lives with each other, but I will answer this question to the best of my ability.

a.) We have different opinions on animals.

VB hates cats, and I absolutely ADORE them! If I could take every cat in the world and love them and squish them and call them George, I totally would do it. I definitely have the ambition to become a crazy cat lady, but Boyfriend won't let me. He makes sure I steer clear of cat adoptions at Petco, and never lets me within 30 feet of a petstore. Pretty smart guy that Boyfriend is. Did you ever see that Oprah show where this family had like 80 cats? Ya, that could be me. *shudders*

I also know for a fact that VB hates to dress up her dogs, and I must admit that this is something that my crazy ass loves to do. Sometimes I even think that Cayden has nicer clothes than I do. Seriously! This pup has a suede coat with fur trimming for winter that he looks like a total pimp in....so much of a pimp that he goes from plain ole Cayden to Pimp Daddy C in the matter of a zip and a velcro snap! Oh ya, Pimp Daddy C gets all the bitches in the neighborhood!

b.) VB loves her some Jelly Bellys. I on the other hand, see some Jelly Bellys and instantly want to projectile vomit. Now I can eat regular jelly beans, but just not Jelly Bellys. Why you ask? Well once upon a time when Meghan was all but 8 years old she spent New Years Eve with her Ma (my grandmother) and her best friend Patrick. Ma, against her better judgement and reasoning gave Meghan and Patrick a HUGE FUCKING box of Jelly Bellys. After eating almost half the box, and while being on major sugar highs, Meghan and Patrick decided to experiment with said Jelly Bellys. They would mix "strawberry" and "butter flavored popcorn" among all other gross combinations in their mouth and eat them. The grosser, the better. Low and behold the next morning both Meghan and Patrick woke up with horrible stomach aches and continued to puke all day. And that my friends, was the end of Jelly Bellys for Ms. Meghan.

c.) Wow, this one is hard. I may have to cop out for right now and say that VB is more edumicated than I am. See she has her masters degree in library science, and I only have a crappy old bachelors in political science. Good lord, even our degrees have the same name in it! If we didn't look so damn different, i would swear that we were long lost sisters or some crazy shit like that!

2. Does it really suck to be in someone's wedding? i have never had the opportunity. what is it like?

HA! Double ha! Well, when it comes to this question I'm a little biased. I have become tainted by the whole bridesmaid experience. The first wedding I was supposed to be in was alot of fun leading up to it. The bride was most definitely NOT bridezilla, and all of the other girls in the wedding party were super duper amounts of fun. However, the wedding was called off 2 weeks before the actual wedding date. I was stuck with a dress, but wasn't the least bit angry. I wanted HER to be happy, and if it meant calling off a wedding then so be it. All I can say is thank god I kept the tags on that dress BECAUSE.....

The next wedding I was in was a complete disaster. The only thing good that came out of it was me being able to take the dress I had from the previous wedding, and exchanging it for a dress for this wedding (since they were both from the same shop). When the girl asked me to be in her wedding, I was barely even friends with her anymore. I told her that I would love to be in her wedding, but if it was going to be a large financial commitment I wouldn't be able to since I was planning on going to law school that fall. She assured me that it would not be, and that my friends, was the biggest lie I have ever been told.

Her Maid of Honor was a complete cow, so much of a cow that we renamed her the Maid of Horror. MOH was the only one with a "real" job. The rest of us were stuck in our crappy, part time jobs working at Panera Bread or Hooters (hehe), thus leaving us alot more strapped for cash than she was. However, MOH did not care. After consulting with Bridezilla, MOH decided that we would be having the bridal shower at an expensive restaurant and each of us would have to chip in 100 smackers! Wait, did I mention there were 8 of us?!!? Did I also mention that the Mother and Grandmother of Bridezilla only put in as much money as us people working at Hooters and Panera did? Ya, wasn't that nice and shitty? Oh ya, and the fact that only 30 people were there. Yes people, IT WAS THAT MUCH MONEY! Who does that? Why couldn't you have it at a church or a firehall like everyone else?! Not even counting the fact that NONE OF US HAD ANY FUCKING MONEY!

The bachelorette party was another disaster in the making. Bridezilla put Former Roommate (FR for short now) and I in charge of planning it. Little did we know that MOH was not having that. MOH would NEVER pick anywhere cheap and fun like FR and I did! Noooooo MOH wanted to go to mother fucking Sing Sing which besides the Omni William Penn and the Hilton is one of the most expensive places to go out. This is where I lost it. Apparently FR had called up the MOH to tell her that her selection didn't fit our budgets, but she wasn't having it. MOH wanted it there and she said Bridezilla did too. FR was crying, and I HATE when my friends cry, especially when it is because someone is just bullying them around. So I took it upon myself to call up everyone of the bridesmaids AND Bridezilla to ask them what they would like to do. As I had suspected, they all thought Sing Sing was too expensive, and Bridezilla was fine with the alternative plans I had offered. I then called the MOH and told her of the changed plans and she wigged out. She told me that that was what BRIDEZILLA wanted to do (which was a total lie) and that we were all being selfish because we weren't complying with Bridezilla's wishes. And this is where I went apeshit on her and told her that that she was in fact the selfish bitch who wasn't thinking of anyone else's feelings. Then I asked her if she would like the rest of us to pull the money for this out of our own asses or hers. Soon after I hung up with MOH Bridezilla called and proceeded to yell at ME! Even though when I called Bridezilla to ask her about the alternative plans she was fine with it, and said she didn't even want to GO to Sing Sing. Is everyone seeing the drama here yet???? Good Lord!

So this VB, is what its like to be in a wedding. But I must say that I'm going to be in a wedding this Fall, and I'm actually having fun with it. The girls in the wedding party are all pretty cool and the bride is so easy going I just want to squeeze her and give her a million thanks. So we'll see, maybe this one will break the bad bridesmaid mold. Lets hope so!

3. What is your worst cooking disaster EVER?

Well, I've never really had that big of a disaster per say, just some minor mishaps that always end up happening (may I remind you that Former Roommate was the one who lit the oven on fire this year? Oh yes, thats right). Most of the time these things happen because I get distracting so damn easily. I'll be reading a recipe and all of a sudden see something shiny, and then its just all over. Sometimes I think I may be a little slow. But here are the most recent mishaps:

a.) Forgetting to put spinach in a spinach dip. Ya, I left it in the microwave to defrost, made the rest of it and put it in the oven. Dur!

b.) One time I attempted to make stuffed shells. I mis-read the ingredients (oh! something shiny!) and put in a tablespoon of oregano instead of a teaspoon. Yum! Oh ya, and I forgot to chop the oregano up too.

c.) I made some meatloaf that literally made Boyfriend sick to his stomach. I mean actually in the throwing up kind of way. Now he won't eat meatloaf again. I scarred him for life. Oops.

4. What is your most embarrassing moment?

Now this one is pretty hard being that I don't embarrass easily. I am THE clumsiest person in the whole world, so I think I've just become accustomed to people pointing and laughing at me, but I think this one tops the charts.

Up here in Da Burgh, we have restaurants called Quaker Steak and Lube. I'm not sure if any of you have ever heard of them, but its a wing place that is made up to look like a car garage (read: there are windows EVERYWHERE). So I am there with Former Roommate, Gramma, and Mom when I realize that I'm cold and want to go out to the car to get my sweater. So I exit the restaurant and head for the car which is parked right in the front row facing the restaurant's ginormous windows. A monster truck is pulling in right besides the car and since I am the most impatient person in the whole world, I run to the car grab my coat out, and jump over the curb. Problem was was that I didn't jump. I fell. Right over the curb. And did a face plant on the pavement. And oh, remember the monster truck that was pulling in besides me? I fell right in front of him. He had to slam on his breaks so that he wouldn't hit me. Worst part of this? THE WHOLE FREAKIN RESTAURANT SAW ME! When I walked back into the restaurant you could tell that everyone was stifling their laughter, them Mom started clapping and yelled "so how does pavement taste?!" Oh ya, and I had scrapes on my face, arms, and legs, so believe me, I definitely looked the part of an incompetent human being.

5. I was going to ask you how you and your boyf met, but i think you told me once....so instead i will ask: "if you could have any superpower you want, what would you pick and why?"

Well it definitely WOULD NOT be the power to read peoples minds. I really don't want to know what people thing of me, being that I'm a complete neurotic basket case most of the time. What I would REALLY want to do would have the ability to teletransport like they do on Star Trek. Beam me up Scotty! I could sleep in an hour more each day and I would NEVER be late for anything! Woo Hoo!!!! Also, think of the money that I could save on gas and airfare. I'd be rich, bitch!

OK enough about me, what about you? If you want me to interview you (I cannot be held accountable for any inappropriate questions asked) leave me a comment and let me know.

Have a great weekend everyone!